BEADS SKIS! Week Five: bruises and snoozes, mostly...

We got the afternoon off on Christmas day, and so it was spent dancing on tables at the Follie Deuce and buying bottles of rose at 40 Euros a pop. Ouchy. Loud DJs, tons of people, Santas everywhere; it was fab. To get into the spirit (/look like a mug) I decorated my helmet in the bows and ribbons from my presents I'd opened earlier. The selotape did a good job (though I wasn't skiing fast enough for them to fall off). Around 4pm I deteriorated...

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BEADS SKIS! Week Four: I go off piste, I get piste, and try to be adopted. Oh yeah, and apparently it's Christmas?

What day is it? At some point this week I went out and drank a lot. At some point this week I had another lesson with Laurent and it was going fine and then I went over some mounds, screamed, then ended up front flipping several times into the powder with both skis lost in neck deep snow. Laurent gave me a Mars bar so I was OK... but yes, that was the end of the lesson and I went back down the mountain in the cable car and in a huff. I hate not...

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BEADS SKIS! Week Three: Hosting, boasting and toasting

Breakfast hosting is my favourite. Bar the initial stress and eeshk of waking up pre 7am and then speed walking to the cash and carry and bakery in a horizontal blasting snow blizzard, it's actually quite good fun. You just have to watch out for the mega snow ploughs and piste bashers as the sun rises and sprint in the opposite direction whilst carrying pastries et une baguette. Luckily all the clients have been lovely though and as long as you...

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BEADS SKIS! Week two: Multiple near-death/feeling-like-death experiences not related to avalanches

Note: I'm writing this whilst really ill and PISSED OFF. No, we haven't had a day off yet. Yes, I've spent a fortune on food (Milka) and drink (vodka). My diet is basically Milka, cheese, bread, vodka and different varieties of Milka. I've experienced my first hangover at altitude which is basically quadruple the non-fun and I look like death on a stick. Our first day of skiing was so beautiful but then I fell down and remembered I'm...

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BEADS SKIS! Week One: I live in a box and I might die

'Here's your accommodation - it's cosy!' Cosy is a word I use for when I'm on the sofa curled up in a ball reading some trashy magazine about some trashy celeb I know nothing about whilst the fire's blazing and I have a blanket and a fat cushion. Cosy is not a teeny one room apartment that combines the kitchen/diner/bedroom adjoined with a shoebox double-bunk room attached to a bathroom that is potentially bigger than bunk room. There are 4 of us...

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