Friday, 29 April 2011

Will 4 Kate

Crowds gather for a royal wedding,
They lay their heads upon anorak bedding.
Big up Blighty! Be proud to be British!
How soon will the nation's contentment diminish?




Devil's food cake with buttercream filling. (KB ©)


French Chantilly and English lace,

Silk tulle misted across her face.

Synched in waist with a flowing train,

Eyebrows and eyeliner remained the same.



The future king with his steady stride,

Looked just as gorge as his approaching bride.

#awkwardmoment thanks to Wartski's gold band.

Sausage fingers or a sweaty hand?



Rake in those shares of Lily of the Valley,

Whilst everyone's eyes are on Pippa and Harry.

Glorious trees with no expenses spared -

Get hitched next week and their foliage is shared. (Win!)



A long weekend to remove the decor;

A 'royal' mess from the week before. (PUN.)

With bunting binned and banners torn,

It's fair to say I'm quite forlorn...



*small sob*

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Working in an office when the weather is like it is

You may have noticed that the weather has been quite nice lately. I'd definitely say the wind chill has died down to a comfortable level, and the clear skies tend to create actual warmth rather than fake warmth you could probably reproduce with an eco-lightbulb.


However, like many, I'm not outside enjoying the sun. I am at work from 9-5. This post outlines the reasonable number of benefits from working in an IT office for the NHS when the sun is shining it's shiny face in through the windows in (what some would call) a taunting manner.

  • When staff arrive in the mornings the expected flow of conversation is as follows:
    Greeting > Comment on weather > Complaint about being at work during said weather.
    No scary ad-libbing needed and no cringey reaction after you mention your recently neutered cat, having struggled to find a suitable topic of conversation after the 'Hi!'
  • Considerably less tea breaks. It's too hot and stuffy in the office for tea so that means fewer breaks and considerably more time for productive thirsty working.
  • Cans and bottles of fizzy shizzle appear on desks. They create gas which is usually regurgitated loudly within the male dominated office. This promotes animated conversation and lively debate which can be seen as an important team building exercise as the burpee is isolated from the rest of the group...but the non-burpees form a close bond. Go team!
  • Offers flood in to grab packages and deliveries from Reception post-room to encounter 47 seconds in the sun (that's a maximum - even if super-slow-walking and getting unwillingly distracted by a number of different blossoms). This means that the post is checked regularly and everyone's invoices can be dealt with even more fastererer after a mere 1 minute 34 seconds. Phew.
  • Wasps and bees like to visit the office through the window. Those with phobias are kept on their toes and encouraged to concentrate more on work than on the insect. Thank goodness I have work to do as well as that pesky phobia.
  • More accidents happen during warm weather. Fact*. But this means that ambulances go past more frequently; sirens weowing loud. This will remind staff that their job is extremely important.
    i.e. By giving NHS staff account logins, trouble-shooting their Outlook problems, rejigging their network infrastructure and helping them find the 'ON' button, the long and short of it is that THE IT CROWD SAVE PEOPLES' LIVES.
  • Hooray.

*may not be an actual fact

Monday, 11 April 2011

A short book review: Fingersmith by Sarah Waters


(You can Google the blurb too if you really want to...)

548 pages of deeply but delicately intertwined dark and twisty-ness. This page turner will not allow a single word to be left unread. Deemed a Dickens-esque historical fiction, the narrative is so well defined with complex key characters exposed through heart-breaking, powerful story-telling. Waters’ creates such atmosphere and leads the reader beautifully through each chapter to become completely immersed in the desperate lives of Sue and Maud. A handful of gob-smackingly-good twists are carried off effortlessly which results in an extremely satisfying read.
Wonderfully written. Hooray for Sarah!
Disclosure:
I had quite a few nightmares whilst reading this. FYI it is pretty disturbing. I take no responsibility if you read it and find it just as intense and then suffer the consequences like I did. Worth it though.. Oh and PS it has lesbians.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Spring is coming...

Time for the lawnmower to come out of the shed. Oh wait, it's still half-broken from September. And the grass is really too damp to mow. And now it looks like the lawn has had a bad bad shave with a blunt scabby razor... still, smells good!


Time for birds to get frisky. All day long. This morning two pigeons actually bumped into my window as a result of flapping and flitting so much. The female was having none of it, you see. Pigeotto chased her from tree to tree and eventually settled on a TV aerial. Stable.



Time for clothing confusion. The brave wear shorts and t-shirts, the lame hold onto their scarves and 4000 denier tights. Some shops keep the heating pumped up, others whack on the air-con. Spring is usually a sweaty and/or shivery combo. Be prepared!



Time for sweeping. Any kind of sweeping. Difficult though because the dirt is sticky and cold from the winter, hidden in the shadows and in the cracks. So many dead thorns and spikeys too. Must. Brush. Away. Winter.


Time for uber-leg-moisturisation. Ugh. The powdery white skin on my calves quakes in fear of being exposed after the long winter. This is why I heart leggings.


Time for the washing line. A two to three person job to put up - depending on rustiness - so in our case, it takes fourteen. Then realising the sun's not strong enough to dry 1cm square of washing so having to plop a load in the tumble drier after 6 hours outside. *Global warming warning*


Time for daffodils. And time for them to die. Tip: Never pick daffs from a Brownie hut garden. Brown Owl will shout at you and make you feel so so awful (even at 22 years old.). Think of the children.


Time for sunshine and showers. 'Changeable', innit.


I look forward to the sun on my skin and a breeze that doesn't pierce my skin like an icicle! Hmph.


Jordie is happy in any weather (but is useless at helping putting up the washing line).

(Kathryn Beadle © 2011)

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Morning

Radio murmur slows the rush
of morning chaos.
Bran or wheat or other husk
in the bowl of promise
but the milk is warm.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Canine Partners

Canine Partners assist people with disabilities to help enjoy a more independent lifestyle and improve their quality of life.

After a long day of pats and cuddles, we managed to raise £891.31 at the Chelmsford event - a fantastic result!

There are many events coming up this Spring to raise money for the charity including the Bluebell Walks which take place around the country. Bring yourself, your dog and your wonga to help raise funds whilst taking part in something fun, healthy and really worthwhile. All the money goes towards training new puppies and helping Canine Partners to cope with the demand of people on the waiting list.

See the list of current walks here: http://www.caninepartners.org.uk/bluebell_walks
For more info or to get involved with volunteering, visit the website and fill out an application form: http://www.caninepartners.org.uk/

(All photos Kathryn Beadle © 2011)

Thursday, 3 February 2011

3-D Multi-touch: Apple become even more obsessed with the touchy-feely

Apple have hurriedly patented their portable stretchy napkin-esque device: the multi-touch skin. Apparently, this technology could pave the way for...
‘a plethora of future product concepts.’
Plethora, schmethora. In this post, I’m going to point out the disadvantages and downsides to this type of invention, just because I’m in that kind of mood.
(NB. I’m hoping you’ll also find some sensible critique that’s not influenced solely by hormonal fluctuation.)
Here is a technical drawing of the multi-touch skin (yes, really) :

Good.
Application in sporting equipment and training (i.e. Tennis)
‘The multi-touch skin is wrapped around the entire circumference of the handle and extends along the length of the handle and in this manner spans three dimensions of the object enabling multi-touch input as a player grasps the handle during play.’
Kit Eaton (tech writer at FastCompany) says the skin could be ‘darn useful’. Darn useful for CHEATING more like. As this kind of technology excels, athletes will rely more heavily on machines and computers to determine what’s right and what’s wrong. Human error will be unacceptable and technology will be ready and waiting to point out a 0.0001% deviation from perfection.
What happened to natural talent?
Touchy-feely-sweepy-slide-swish
It seems we are unable to make any finger movement other than swish and slide these days. It freaks me out when young kids already have this movement ingrained in their motor memory. I was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room and looked over to a little girl furiously playing Angry Birds on cool Dad’s iPhone. She must’ve been only three or four years old and was wearing Velcro shoes; I wonder if she could tie her laces. Tenuous analogy? Oh well. Even though cool Dad was getting five minutes peace, there was clear disconnection between the two of them. Little girl’s blinkers were on and up – nobody was going to interrupt her!
So anyway, Kit goes on to say...
‘Imagine a remote that merely relies upon the brush of your thumb to change channels.’
No problem! That’s pretty much what we have already, you doorstop! I’m not sure about you, but I don’t notice a greater difficulty in pressing a button cl-ick than a sweepy sa-woosh. But I guess we’ll eventually say bye-bye to the faithful button.
Boo hiss. I’m never going to be able to relieve any frustration by swoooooshing away from the One Show.
Replacing buttons with thumb sweeps make some things more ergonomic for some users. Those who are born into this touchy-feely techno-world have no problem picking up this way to interact with such gadgets, but to try and explain this kind of function to an older demographic just wouldn’t work.
Multi-touch skin guitar lessons for the super-unsociable
Using the napkin with a guitar could mean that...
‘The user could perform chords on the guitar fret in conjunction with instructional software shown on a display. The player’s chords on the multi-touch skin could be tracked and then analyzed by the instructional software to determine if the player is properly performing the chords. That would work nicely with Apple’s Garage Band ’11 iLife app for Guitar Lessons.
Learning to play music through a screen and analytical software? My survey says NO. In my experience, music teachers are one of two breeds: scary and brilliant or lovely and useless. Without a combination of nagging, pestering, scolding and... crying, I don’t think I would’ve learnt as well as I did. I know that I wouldn’t have had the same relationship with a display screen anyway – computers are either off or on.
The influential presence of a human cannot be matched or replaced by a technology (at the moment), and it’d neverrr be able to be exactly the same. In addition, the words ‘tracked’, ‘analyzed’, ‘properly performing’ would rarely be heard within a musical teaching environment. Because music is so expressive and personal, it requires a human touch and human ear to guide a pupil through the learning process, and sometimes that doesn’t always mean playing all the correct notes all of the time.
So?
Yes, napkin technology is clever and perhaps useful in some contexts (you can research these for yourself) but it’s important to look at technology in a negative light sometimes. Because so much hype surrounds every new development; it’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement. So, to conclude this post, the multi-touch skin and its potential application would discourage social interaction, it would cut out important life-experiences, and continue to endorse laziness with even greater dependence on computers and technology.
End.